Pack Epic Games Week
by Lolz Smileyface
Summary: Seth is a sugar high addict, Jacob is obsessive over Bella, Paul can't keep his clothes on, Jared likes dog porn, Sam is Sam, Collin is just there, Brady is a pet, Emily is a supposed rapist reporter, Emmett is in love, and Embry is a squirrel pervert.


Pack Epic games week: Somewhat…a little bit like the Cullen's Baseball

Brady appears posing like a super hero, he looks to the left and a shadow sneaks up on his right. The shadow is chuckling evilly as it sneaks up on the unsuspecting boy; it grabs Brady and drags him through the bushes. Brady thrashes and screams into the hand. He thinks '…Help' as he's drug away.

~Flashes to Sam and Emily~

Sam is in a referees outfit and Emily has a mic in her hand like a reporter. "Is the camera on Collin?" Collin just nods and puts up three fingers to countdown on. Emily smiles a fake cheerful smile.

"Hello, I'm here with you live as we watch the La Push Pack Olympics! I'm here with the referee Sam Uley, so Sam what should we expect this year? I heard we were versing another team full of female demi-gods, is it true?" Emily leaned in close to Sam like a child trying to listen to her Grandfathers crazy war stories that usually did or did not happen.

"Well, yes, we are versing a team of females; they are demi-gods and will give us sufficient competition this year. The events include will include: Football, Soccer, Dodge ball, Volleyball, basketball, tag, inside the house lights off hide hide-and-go-seek, Fashion runway, who does the best nail design, make-up, cheerleading-we are strong in that this year, Eye spy, Running- of course, Bear walk, crab walk, and I think that's it. Then we will be back in a short time for the winter Olympics."

"Wow, .." Emily just gapped at some of the stuff the boys would be doing; it was surely going to be entertaining. "Okay, well, you heard him. It's going to be a fabulous 3rd year of the La Push Games. Okay, so first is the running portion the 50 yard dash with Jared and Tatyanna, Paul and Jayden for the 100 yard. Last will be the relay race with Skylar and Embry, Jared and Tatyanna, Jayden and Paul, and Kyla and Jacob." Emily is pretty pumped now that she had heard what was going on; she immediately rushed to get an interview with the opposing team once they were in her sight. "There is the opposing team now. They are Mindless Fun and the La Push Pack is called Pimp Ninjas. Names provided by Seth Clearwater, our very clever ball of joy." Seth pops up and claps for himself. "Yeah!"

Emily just shakes her head and pretends he never popped up. "Okay? Now, girls what do you absolutely **know** you're going to win?" The girls talk about it all at once until Jayden suggests above the rest "Football." The rest nodded and agreed. "I'd say football. We will beast and destroy them!" Kyla growls out as they high five her.

"WOW, you heard them, Football is what they are sure of winning. Okay, they are lining up for the 50 yard dash, complete silence." Emily focuses on the two lining up. Jared and Tatyanna line up at the starting line. Jared is in tight black track shorts and a tucked in a wife beater (a.k.a a tank top). Tatyanna is in baggy basketball shorts with the underwear showing and black sleeveless shirt.

"Get ready…set…go!" Sam watched them race after getting a little distracted by Emily. They take off neck to neck until Skylar takes a lighter and blows a high wind to carry it to Tatyanna's ass, spurring her forward. She panicked and raced passed Jared, winning the first event for Mindless Fun.

"Oh 1 to 0, Mindless fun is in the lead." Emily smiled and was about to stop Tatyanna for an interview only to laugh her ass off once she passed her with her ass still on fire.

"Ahhh, my ass is on fire!" Tatyanna suddenly stops, drops…and well doesn't get to roll on account of her hitting her head on a rock. Skylar blinks and puts the fire out by stomping her ass, she was laughing on the inside on the outside…she was also laughing.

"First win! Did you see that ref? They fucking cheated!" Paul tore his hair out and screamed. Jayden just shook her head and crossed her arms. "No, we didn't. It never said in the rules that we couldn't "Encourage" our team mates." She smirks making Paul all the angrier.

"Don't bad mouth me hoe!" Paul tilted his head with a "What now?" expression and his arms spread eagle.

"Oh hell no, you backwards Hill Billy ass sexy wolf, who in fact has a hot ass girlfriend!" (Hold up, I thought she was his GF.)

"I know you little bitch, my GF is fucking hot and I want to take her down like Chris Breezy later." Jayden nods and licks her lips. "Yeah, well, she says she will probably meet you in 30 during lunch." She attacks him and they begin rolling and slap fighting.

Seth pops up once again and laughs. "I hope not like Chris Brown, that situation could go very downhill if it is. Just ask Rihanna, she'll tell you. I don't know it might be pretty close to being a 'Chris Brown moment.' You know, you say this when you're in a situation like that and you wanna smack her all you say is 'Imma Chris Brown you'." Seth shakes his head solemnly, he was about to continue until he was interrupted by Kyla.

"That was a low blow Seth, totally just hit him in the nuts and ran."

"What, too soon?"

"Yeah, kind of, we aren't ready yet."

Seth just shrugs and Kyla sweat drops. Sam runs to break up the fight between Paul and Jayden. "Hey, break it up! Save it for the 100, now line up."

Jayden and Paul eventually line up at the starting line. Paul is in daisy dukes and no shirt, while Jayden wears dark blue shorts that reach passed her knee cause she has them sagging, her Disney princess boxers are showing, and she has on a black sports bra. Sam pulls out a starting gun and fires it, scaring the Justin Bieber out of them both. Paul ducks and screams, while Jayden just runs likes she's being chased by the cops. No one even saw her break the tape, cross the finish line, and keep running. Emily looks around confused and shrugs.

"Uh, 2 to 0, I guess?" She eventually just laughs her ass off. "Okay, now is the relay race. The boys really need to step it up because they are being beasted on…This will be epic." Seth once again pops up out of nowhere and screams "FAIL!" Skylar lines up next to Embry, he wears a blue sun dress with all over, and Skylar just stares at him like he's retarded. Skylar wears Family guy boxers with Stewie on it, a black Family Guy shirt saying "Paddle faster, I hear Banjo's" on the front, and high knit socks.

Sam puffs on his cigar and blows out smoke slowly. "Ready…Go!" They take off, Sami runs behind her with a shank to get her to run faster, which she does and hands the baton off to Tatyanna. Tatyanna is chased by both Skylar and Sami with Pitch forks and torches. She is neck to neck to with Jared and hands it off to Jayden. Jayden runs from a Sex hungry Paul and they accidentally run passed Jakey and Kyla, who are very confused. The second time around they hand it off to them both, Jacob sprints ahead of Kyla with tremendous alpha speed. "That ain't firkin' fair!" Kyla screams out to no one. She starts to slow down until she looks behind her to see her mother running behind her. "Aww shizz, its Momma! No, please, I didn't do it this time!" She sprints ahead of Jacob with her mom following in a pink nightgown, old woman style, rollers in her hair with a do rag to cover them, and fuzzy pink slippers with a thick black belt dangling from her hand.

"Momma Althaus? WTF?" Jacob watches her pass in confusion. Kyla runs at the speed of light, creating a trail of fire behind her and miraculously wins. Emily is rolling on the ground in tears from laughing so hard. "Run it, run it! Hahaha! 3 to 0, so far Pimp Ninjas is losing and Mindless Fun is winning." Seth for the last time pops up randomly and claps for himself because of the names again. "Whoooop!"

Leah shakes her head and starts to drag him away. "Damn it Seth, stop acting like a damn hyper drug addict!" Seth sniffles, close to tears, and he uses a puppy dog pout. "…But I am a druggy, I have an addiction to candy! They give it to me every year for Halloween and I don't have to pay for it! Help me Leah, help me!" He clings to his sister's leg and she sniffles. "We'll get you help little bro, I'll help you! MY BABY!" She cradles his head into her chest and rocks him as he cry's.

~Flashes to Sam, who is laid out on the ground passed out from a mic to the head. Emily had knocked him out with her mic and was about to drag him off with her since it was time for mid lunch break when the camera caught her~

Emily: 0.o –slowly drags Sam away-

Kyla was the watching the whole time, she whimpers and runs off to find and hug Jakey. "What's wrong Lalas?" Jacob was genuinely concerned for his best friend. "I saw…I saw Sam get knocked out by Emily and dragged off by her!" She burst out into tears and clings to Jakey. Jacob's eyes widened and he stifled a laugh for Kyla's sake. "Are you serious? Aww, it's okay booboo, it's okay." Kyla hugs him tighter and sniffles. "Why would Emi do that to Sammy?" She looks up at him innocently and Jacob shrugs. "Uh, I don't know, but I'm sure Sam is fine."

~Flashes to Sam~

Sam had woken up minutes ago and is now sitting on a couch smoking rolled up weed; he leans back against the couch while Emily is shaking her ass in booty shorts around a pole in front of him and Mrs. Booty is playing in the background. Sam takes a puff, looks at it and then looks at it before smiling happily.

~Flashes to Paul~

Paul is sitting around a camp fire, roasting raw bear meat. Jayden walks up and tilts her head. "Where did you get that?" Paul looks seriously at Jayden. "Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." The bushes shake and Emmett steps out, he's all pale, sickly looking, and rubbing his arms like a crack addict.

Paul looks at him weirdly and blinks. "Hey, Emm…what's up?" Emmett licks his lips and looks around sharply. "Ey man, can I have some of that blood…You know in the bear meat? Just asking, yo." Paul straightens and nods. "Yeah…You got the money?" Emmett nods and hands him the money. Paul counts the money and licks his lips in concentration. "104…105…106…You missin' foe dollars, homie." Emmett shakes and he gapes. "I can have that tomorrow if you let me eat it now…I can have it." Paul stands and puffs his chest out. "You betta not be tryna play me." Emmett shakes his head and blinks. "Nah, I have it tomorrow." Paul nods and lets him have it. Emmett jumps on the meat and sucks the blood from it. Jayden grins and nods. "That was amazing!" Paul smirks and licks his lip. "Not as amazing as this." He ripped his clothes off and chased after her.


End file.
